Kitchen Performance Anxiety
The ancient kitchen in the author's new home. Photograph by Lisa Bramen
I think I’m suffering from hostophobia, or fear of being an incompetent host (I know, it’s not really a word, but maybe it’ll make it onto the Schott’s Vocabulary blog). My fiancé and I are throwing a housewarming party in a couple of days, and it will be the first time we have been responsible for feeding so many people. Puzzling over what to serve, and whether our mostly untested antique appliances (the house we bought has a kitchen that was last renovated in the 1950s) will function properly, is keeping me up at night.
Our first mistake was scheduling the soirée for the weekend after we moved into the house. We were so excited about finally having our own party-friendly place after years of living in tiny apartments we neglected to consider whether we would have enough time to unpack.
But the real source of anxiety is the food. My confidence in my cooking abilities is inversely proportional to the number of people I am serving. Memories of past failures loom large: In graduate school my roommate and I threw a small Middle Eastern-themed dinner party. We were a little too liberal with the rose water in the rice pudding we served for dessert, and our guests—who politely ate it anyway—left feeling like they had gargled their grandmothers’ perfume. Then there was the edamame and radish salad I brought to a barbeque. It tasted good when I first prepared it, but when I opened the Tupperware lid at the party, the room filled with a powerful smell of flatulence. No one ate it.
And what to serve? Some of our friends are vegetarians, while others won’t touch a vegetable (unless you count potatoes). How do we please both the epicures and the unadventurous in the crowd?
I found some reassurance in a blog post at the Atlantic Food Channel called “7 Lessons in Southern Hospitality.” Southern chef Regina Charboneau writes that “opening your home is gift enough.” In other words, your guests are there to enjoy your company and have a good time, not to have a gastronomic epiphany.
Her seven entertaining tips for the insecure host include developing a signature dish that people will look forward to whenever they come over; preparing as much as possible in advance so you aren’t frantic as your guests arrive; and buying some things already prepared rather than insisting on making everything from scratch, down to salad dressing.
With these tips in mind, I have altered my game plan. I’ve scrapped my original idea, to make a complicated dish I once saw prepared at a cooking class. Instead I’m going to stick with a recipe for chili that I’ve made successfully before, plus lots of finger foods, and, for a seasonal touch, caramel fondue with chunks of local apple for dipping.
My favorite piece of advice from Charboneau, and one I plan to take to heart: make it easy on yourself—don’t be a martyr.
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You need to make something that can feed large quantities: homemade mac & cheese, lasagna, a ragu with pasta, soups, etc… These are crowd pleasers that scale well and be easily adapted to have veg/non-veg options. Soups are better the day after; lasagna can be reheated in the oven.
Throwing together a homemade salad takes a few minutes. I disagree strongly with Ms. Charboneau: I dislike most prepared foods, especially, salad dressings. Most store bought salad dressings are over priced abominations. After all, how hard is it to put together olive oil and vinegar?
Good luck!
Comment by Jeff — October 2, 2009 @ 10:53 am
I love to make a big pot of whatever – stew, soup, chili, even chicken provencal if I’m feeling fancy. I think the decision to make something you’ve done before is grand. Why put yourself through the hassle of making something new? Save that for the family at the holidays!
I’m also a big fan of the potluck – especially if you have vegan, vegetarians and omnivores all coming together, and less than satisfactory kitchen.
And, don’t forget your reward! Mine is cake and/or pie at the end of the big meal. Yum!
Comment by Lori — October 2, 2009 @ 3:12 pm
Potluck- ask your friends to contribute.
Comment by et — October 2, 2009 @ 4:16 pm
Thanks for all the great advice, Jeff, Lori and et! It’s probably too late to call for a potluck, but I wish I had thought of it. A couple of friends volunteered to bring a dish, so I’ll have a little assistance.
Comment by Lisa Bramen — October 2, 2009 @ 7:05 pm
Regina is right about a relaxed cook. Your friends are coming for you, not for the food.
Thus my advice is to serve simple foods that are easy to prepare in advance, restock as the party goes on, and save for later. Chips, salsas, bean dips, veggies & dips, cheese and crackers, lightly salted steamed edamame in the shell, frozen snacks like mini pizzas (Trader Joe’s has excellent ones) and taquitos, etc. This has worked for me a thousand times. The few times I’ve ignored these rules I’ve really regretted it.
Comment by WilliamB — October 2, 2009 @ 9:24 pm
I’m quite omnivorous (more carnivorous and a frugivore than a veggivore), but you could always have hamburgers. A friend of mine had a BBQ over the summer, and her step-family are Indian; they don’t eat meat. So it’s a little awkward. What do you serve? They made black bean burgers for the vegetarians and normal burgers for the omnivorous. I never thought much of veggie burgers before, but they were absolutely delicious. I wish I’d asked for one of those than the burger! (I also wish I had the recipe!)
Of course, if you’re afraid that burgers would be too plain, you can always try mixing in some herb butter or more unique sauces. Burgers don’t just have to be ketchup and buns! If you bake or know of a bakery close by, you could get some bread there. Or you could try some mini-burgers.
Good luck and I hope you enjoy yourselves!
Comment by ~L.K. — October 3, 2009 @ 2:35 am
[...] I occasionally like to buy those old-fashioned violet pastilles in a tin, and, despite my earlier rice pudding disaster, I find rose water similarly appealing. Some flavors can transport you to another place; the light [...]
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