January 14, 2010
When Is It Okay to Complain in Restaurants?
Once, at one of those basic meat-and-potatoes American chain restaurants, my father requested a bottle of steak sauce. When he opened it, a large cockroach (well, a bug at least, I can’t be positive about the species) crawled out!
“Whoops!” my dad exclaimed softly, scooping the bug into his hand and back into the bottle, as if it was his fault for disturbing the creature.
Courtesy Flickr user TwoDotsComic
The waiter, still standing there, was obviously horrified. My dad did request a different bottle of sauce, but nothing more; he ate his meal calmly and paid the bill at the end. (Desserts were on the house, which in retrospect seems pretty weak on the restaurant’s part. Shouldn’t the whole meal have been free after such an egregious health code violation?)
So maybe because of my upbringing, I rarely speak up when dissatisfied in restaurants—although I’ve certainly grumbled about them later, to friends. (I even screwed up the courage to write a complaint letter once. But it wasn’t nearly as funny as this guy’s rant about airline food.)
It occurred to me recently that this is an unhelpful habit; how can a restaurant improve or offer to solve a problem if it isn’t aware that one exists? (Of course, that assumes that they aren’t simply ignoring problems…but why not give them the benefit of the doubt?)
On the other hand, I still don’t want to be an obnoxious customer, the kind that inspires diatribes on sites like Waiter Rant and Waitress Stories. I know that most chefs and servers work extremely hard, since I’ve had several friends who worked in restaurants. I tried being a waitress myself once, and lasted less than a week. (As the diner’s owner kindly put it after a few days of watching me drop dishes, mix up orders, and furrow my brow so fiercely that customers asked if I was okay: “I think you might be better at other things.”)
There must be some middle ground between cowardly and picky, right? It depends on the situation, of course, but I’ve developed a few basic ground rules.
It’s okay to politely complain when…
1. There is evidence of a bug in (or near) your food. Or a rodent. Or any other animal you did not plan to eat!
2. You did not receive what you ordered.
3. You suspect the food is spoiled or unsafe (curdled cream; chicken or pork still raw in the center; allergens you were told wouldn’t be there).
But it’s probably NOT okay to complain when…
1. You receive what you ordered, exactly as described (i.e. “very spicy chicken”) and simply don’t like it (“It’s too spicy! And I hate chicken!”).
2. The waiter tells you that the kitchen is out of a certain dish on the menu. Hey, it happens. Not the servers’ fault. Order something else. (It is definitely not okay to complain with your fists, as this woman did. She must really, really like chicken nuggets.)
3. The bill is “too high,” but you received exactly what you ordered, and prices were listed on the menu. (I’ve seen people do this.) Don’t leave a terrible tip simply because you didn’t do your math ahead of time.
Can you think of any others? And if you have any horror stories—from either a diner’s perspective, or a kitchen/waitstaff perspective—I’d love to hear them!
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I ordered Sake at a restaurant a few weeks ago and there was a bug floating in the little carafe! The waiter was very nice and brought us a new one right away, but it made me a little wary about eating there.
I guess I don’t see speaking up as complaining. For example, I don’t want to sit next to a busy kitchen and will let a hostess know I would rather wait a few minutes for a different table. I’m convinced that being cheerfully direct is the way to go.
My husband and I also have a rule of thumb that works well for us — If I think the service is bad enough that I don’t want to leave a full tip, I talk to the manager. This has only happened twice. The first time, our entire check was comped; the second time, the manager didn’t really care and we’ve never been back.
I ordered a salad with my meal at a lovely vineyard restaurant in NY. As I ate down into the bowl I discovered a stick that was about two inches by one inches in thickness. I sort of just laughed and pushed it aside. However, when the waitress came to clear my plate, my horrified husband could not avoid pointing out that there was a stick in the bottom of my bowl. The waitress just sort of said “We get organic greens.” Indeed!
I will also complain to a waiter if that waiter persistently misses my needs – for example, my water cup is empty the entire evening. I generally leave it at that.
I will complain if food arrives at wildly different times for my group. Or if it arrives at the same time but my dish is vastly the wrong temperature.
I will ask for the manager if a waiter does a particularly good job. I find myself doing this more often than complaining.
I will complain if I don’t get what I ordered – except at sushi meals. I’m terrible at figuring out how much I really want. If something hasn’t shown up but I’m full anyway, I just make sure it’s not on the bill. I don’t mention it to the waiter.
Like WilliamB, I am a fan of talking to managers about employees who do an extra good job. I especially relish saying, ‘I want to talk to you about one of your employees,’ then adding, ‘______ is great!’ (Managers too often get bad news.)
I have a question though:
Recently I was at a restaurant and the entree I ordered had an ingredient on it it turns out I am allergic to. It was not a standard ingredient in this dish as typically prepared and so I not expecting it, and besides the description on the menu did not mention it. I pointed this out to the server immediately (I hadn’t eaten it yet), but he seemed perturbed. Was I in the right for sending it back?
Eve, this has happened to my husband who has a couple of allergies and no matter how carefully he reads the menu, sometimes an ingredient is not listed. You couldn’t have eaten this dish, and the server should be willing to accommodate an allergy. People don’t generally purposely order things they are allergic to. I think it is reasonable to request another meal or that they take out the ingredient that you are allergic to.
This is a great topic! Thanks for discussing it. Being a good guest is just as important as being a good server or a good cook.
I’m know most managers appreciate good feedback (I always did). Feedback on ‘sneaky’ ingredients – like allergens, is very helpful. Feedback on problems with service like timing, wrong orders etc. is very important. Managers will usually talk about this in their pre-shift meetings with the staff – to make them aware of the problem and solicit ideas to solve the problem. If its a systematic issue – food comes out of the kitchen erratically – they discuss at a managers meeting.
Feedback – polite and positive- is welcome and helpful. Don’t be afraid to give it.
A dear friend of mine was waiting tables and had two matrons who complained about virtually everything that happened during their meal, (“the meat was tough; the fish was too fishy; their martinis weren’t strong enough”). The last straw was when one of them informed him that her water was warm. There were still remnants of the ice cubes floating in her glass and he was exasperated and tired of their act. He proceeded to stick his finger in her glass and informed her: “that water isn’t warm madame, it’s merely tepid”.
I was in Philly and had dinner with an old friend at a French restaurant the Four Seasons concierge recommended. It was about 5 degrees outside, yet they seated us right by the front door. I asked that we be moved, and then they put us in a kind of alleyway next to the kitchen although there were tables free all over the restaurant (it was a weekday). It was annoying but not worth complaining about, until I sat down and pulled my chair forward, and cut my finger on splinter. I bled all over the linen napkin. After awhile, they brought me a bandaid and then finally moved us to a decent table. So what would you expect to happen next? They gave us a complimentary dessert and a free glass of wine. So I called the manager over to ask if this was the best she could do after our ordeal, and she responded with great hostility that moving us to a better table (??) was quite a privilege. I let my concierge know that the Four Seasons should not be recommending this restaurant in the future. My question is this: if you are getting a referral from the Four Seasons (the hotel called to make the reservation), wouldn’t you want to be nice to their customers, just for the sake of future referrals?
Eve, I would have very politely, explained the problem and asked for something else. I would half-expect the restaurant not to charge but would (probably) recognize it didn’t have to. Whether or not I had to pay for the dish, I would include that amount when calculating the tip.
To the allergy people: Please inform the kitchen of any allergies before ordering. You don’t know what goes into all of our dishes (I like adding fish sauce to steak sauces, nuts to bbq sauces, almond milk to soups, etc.) and if my restaurant listed every ingredient for every dish on the menu, well, we have a 2 inch binder full of our recipes. You can tell us, and we will accomodate you.
I think, only in the USA the people is so tired of they life so they go to restaurant and complains for everything. People wake up, and stop give free food for complain doesn’t exist! Americans are incredible, i never see something like that..
@ number 9, even though you are almost certain to never read this again…
‘Ordeal’. Are you serious? Yes, you cut yourself, but accidents can happen. You got a new table, you got a free dessert, and a free drink. That should be enough for anybody.
A false sense of entitlement is one of the things I find most frustrating.
Regarding the article, I think the assessment of reasonable grounds for complaint is fair.
What I find difficult when eating out is when other guests cause a problem – it’s hardly the establishment’s fault, yet at the same time I don’t feel able to intervene. Anyone else have this issue?