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Hot ice cream by experimental chef H. Alexander Talbot. Photograph by Aki Kamozawa

Indulge me in a dubious metaphor: ice cream is the Madonna of desserts. Unlike chocolate chip cookies, or brownies, which rarely get wilder than the addition of chopped nuts, ice cream seems to beg for constant reinvention, with ever-more-bizarre flavors and strange textures (think Dippin’ Dots). I don’t know why that is, but maybe it has to do with the fact that it is one of the few foods eaten frozen.

Well, usually. New York magazine has an article this week about some of the latest wacky things being done to ice cream by chemistry-adept cooks. One of the most surprising, I think, is the hot ice cream developed by experimental chef H. Alexander Talbot, who writes a blog with his wife, Aki Kamozawa, called Ideas in Food. By adding a chemical called Methocel food gum, Talbot was able to create a banana split-like dish with the texture and flavor of ice cream that could be poached and served warm. The expectation of ice cream to be cold is so strong that the first person Talbot served it to didn’t even register that the dish was the wrong temperature until he pointed it out.

Also in the “Is it still ice cream?” category: Last month, Cold Stone Creamery introduced a pair of Jell-O pudding-based flavors that are purported to never melt. If that sounds like something you want to try, sorry—yesterday, July 28, was the last day for the limited-time product. Personally, the idea doesn’t sound that appealing to me anyway. Part of the fun of an ice cream cone is having to eat it before it drips down your arm.

Ice cream experimentation has been going on for decades, at least. I remember the first time I encountered deep-fried ice cream on the menu of a Mexican restaurant, when I was a kid. I was amazed and perplexed by this feat of ice cream wizardry—why didn’t the ice cream melt? But I never bothered to find out how it was done, until now. It turns out not to require any magic skills: you just freeze crunchy-coated scoops of ice cream until they’re hard, then quickly fry them before the ice cream inside has a chance to melt. Emeril Lagasse has a recipe, if you want to try it yourself.

Perhaps the strangest ice cream innovation, though, was the freeze-dried version developed for NASA astronauts to bring into space in the late 1960s. It’s still the top-selling product at the Smithsonian stores, though apparently it wasn’t very popular with the actual astronauts. In space, I guess, no one can hear you scream for ice cream.

Would you try hot ice cream?

Spicy Chicken Sushi, converted Fancy Popeye's Fried Chicken. Credit: Erik R. Trinidad

Reasonable people may differ on the tastiness of Chicken McNuggets or the latest nacho-cheese-and-bacon-laden burrito novelty at Taco Bell, but there is one attribute of fast food I think we can all agree on: it’s fast. Well, and it’s cheap. But it’s not healthy, and it certainly isn’t pretty.

That is, it’s not pretty until the wizard behind a blog called Fancy Fast Food gets a hold of it. Erik R. Trinidad, the site’s creator, shows that by taking fast out of the equation you can turn an ordinary Happy Meal into a “culinary masterpiece.”

I’ve written previously about the time and effort food stylists put into prettying up menu items to be photographed for ads, but the dishes on Fancy Fast Food are complete transformations. Trinidad, though not a professional stylist, traces the roots of his interest in food presentation to his childhood. “My brother and I used to play what we called ‘Iron Chef Buffet’ at those Chinese buffets, trying to outdo each other with the fanciest presentation of a dish,” he says.

His creations include the BK Quiche, constructed from disassembled Burger King breakfast sandwiches. Spicy Chicken Sushi is made from Popeye’s fried chicken. Tacobellini is a tortellini-resembling dish made from Taco Bell burritos and tacos. My favorite entry, Tapas de Castillo Blanco, is a platter of finger foods made from White Castle Slyders and fried clams. All of the dishes include recipes and helpful photos, should you wish to replicate these impressive-looking (if not tasting) meals. The visual transformations don’t really improve the food’s flavor, Trinidad says. “It’s all processed food anyway, and I just add another process.”

Popeye's fast food, before it was transformed into art. Credit: Erik R. Trinidad

The site started as a goof on the “foodie” movement, he says. “I think the pretentiousness that comes with calling oneself a ‘foodie’ has gone overboard these days, and FancyFastFood.com aims to poke fun at these self-important gourmands as if to say, ‘Hey, you can have fancy food too, just by going to McDonald’s or Taco Bell!’ Granted, it’s still bad for you.”

Aspiring fast food gourmets can also submit their own creations to the site. The rules are that you can only use food purchased at a fast food restaurant, without other ingredients (except as a simple garnish), and you have to send before and after photos.

The latest submission, a Wendy’s Napoleon made from a Baconator Combo, was whipped up by Adrian Fiorino, and includes an impressive spun sugar garnish and a sauce made from Coke and ketchup. Judging from the link to his own blog, Insanewiches, Fiorino is a guy who enjoys playing with cold cuts. Take note of the Rubix Cubewich, a truly horrifying concoction of cubed meats, cheeses and pork fat.

If you’re still hungry for food play, top off the visual feast at Threadcakes, a fun cake decorating contest where cakes are based on designs from the T-shirt company Threadless.

Slim Jim cans might be harder to find on store shelves in the coming weeks. Image courtesy of Flickr user Roadsidepictures.

If you were stocking a bomb shelter, what foods would you buy? I bet one of your nonperishable choices of protein would be the beef jerky snack, Slim Jim.

As it turns out, people are stockpiling Slim Jims, but for a different reason. ConAgra, the company that makes Slim Jim, stopped producing the dried meat strips after a factory explosion in early June that killed three people.

With the destruction of the only Slim Jim factory in the United States, the company won’t be able make new products for at least another month, according to media reports. If we dust off our economics book, that means there is a finite supply for something with a steady demand, which can lead to hoarding.

The New York Post reported that analysts predict a summer Slim Jim run:

“People who like [Slim Jim], when they find out that there’s a shortage, are going to grab onto them, I’m certain of it,” said Harry Balzer, a food industry analyst with NPD Group. “Maybe [Ben] Bernanke should step in with some TARP money because people can’t live without their Slim Jims.”

That’s true, according to food industry consultant Jim Degan.

“[Slim Jims] loyalty is very high,” Degan said. “If you eat Slim Jims, you aren’t going to find brand B or C to be an acceptable substitute.”

Until then ConAgra will use its existing supply to stock convenience stores, groceries and gas stations across the nation, but it doesn’t expect to be able to meet the full demand for Slim Jims until the fall.

If you do find yourself hungry with no beef jerky for comfort, you could always watch these Slim Jim commercials and feed your mind with this thought: Why are professional wrestlers usually hired to pitch Slim Jim?

The Smithsonian Resident Associates program offers lectures and educational events on a range of topics, but for obvious reasons, I find their culinary arts programs the most interesting.

Here’s a peek at what’s coming up this summer, for those of you who live in the DC area or are planning a visit:

• Thursday, June 11th (tomorrow!) at 6:45 p.m. in the Ripley Center: Lecture and book signing by Richard Wrangham, author of “Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human.” (We’re reading his book now and will blog about it soon, stay tuned…)
• Thursday, June 18th at 6:45 p.m. in the Museum of Natural History’s Atrium cafe: Taste several summer wines (red, white and sparkling) and learn how to pair them with classic summer foods like barbecue.
• Tuesday, June 23rd at 6:45 p.m. in the Ripley Center: “Living Longer, Living Better,” a lecture and book signing by Dan Buettner, author of “Blue Zones.”
• Wednesday, June 24th at 6 p.m.: Evening Picnic at the National Zoo: This might be worth buying a membership for, since it’s members-only!
• Friday, June 26th at 6:30 p.m. at the Mexican Cultural Institute: “The Vanilla Route in Veracruz.” Learn about the history and uses of vanilla while enjoying a full meal with cocktails, wine and live music.
• Saturday, July 11th at 2 p.m. in Adams Morgan: A guided tour of several local restaurants, with samples.
• Wednesday, July 15th at 6:45 p.m. in the National Museum of the American Indian: Learn about (and drink) some of the cocktails that the author Ernest Hemingway and his fictional characters enjoyed.
• Saturday, July 25th at 1 p.m. at the Brickskeller restaurant: Sample artisanal beers from Virginia breweries and learn how they were made.

Hope to see you at one of these events! (Keep in mind that these all require tickets, with prices ranging from $15 to $95 for members and $25 to $130 for non-members. But hey, it’s a good cause.)

Bottle of sriracha sauce, courtesy of Flickr user barron

As Smithsonian staffers rush to close our July issue, here are a few helpful links to get you through your day:

– The Internet Food Association, written by a coterie of D.C. think tank policy nerds who moonlight as foodies, directs us to a great new blog, Trader Joe’s Wine Compendium, which I highly recommend you check out before playing Russian roulette with the grocery store’s wide-ranging wine selection.

– My favorite hot sauce, Sriracha Chili Sauce, gets a lengthy treatment in Tuesday’s New York Times. Who knew it was not Thai or Vietnamese, but actually Californian? I remember being rather excited when I saw one of the Iron Chefs use it on Iron Chef America, but now that Applebee’s and P.F. Chang’s use it in their recipes, some of the allure has worn off. It’s still delicious for pretty much everything, however. Reporter John T. Edge also provides a nation-wide list of restaurants where chefs use David Tran’s sriracha.

– Also from the Times comes this obituary of the namesake behind Dannon yogurt, Daniel Carasso. Learn the history of the company, which was started by Carasso’s father in response to what he found to be the disturbing prevalence of intestinal disorders in Spain. From the article: “Early on, Danone [the original name for the yogurt] was marketed as a health food and sold by prescription through pharmacies. Gradually it found favor as a milk product that did not spoil in the heat.

– From Serious Eats, comes a helpful list of street vendors that use Twitter. And while I’m at it, make sure to follow Food and Think on Twitter as well.

– Amateur Gourmet brought in FaT favorite Michael Ruhlman today for a BlogTalkRadio podcast. Listen in, maybe while baking Ruhlman’s bread.

– And lastly, the New Orleans Audubon Insectarium opened recently and is entertaining kids of all ages with crickets, spiders, and more. But what you can’t get there is a cooking demonstration using crickets.