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Farming and new media are not mutually exclusive. Image courtesy of Flickr user IRRI Images

Conscientious eaters want to know all about where their food came from, how it was grown and who grew it. Part of the appeal of farmers’ markets is getting face time with those who spend their days with their hands in the dirt. Suddenly, consumers want to have a “relationship” with their small-scale farmers, ranchers and cheese makers — people who once toiled in obscurity. (This is still usually the case in the larger agricultural industry, where the vast majority of our food comes from.)

One unintended consequence is that, now, personality counts. A grower with a winning smile or the gift of the gab may get the sale even when the wares at the next table are just as fresh and succulent-looking. There’s a pair of young, attractive male farmers in my area whose tent always seems to be crowded with female customers.

Now, technology that wasn’t around a decade ago—blogs, smartphones, Facebook and Twitter—is taking the farmer-consumer relationship to another level. It’s how CSA members can find out what’s likely to be in their share soon, get recipes for what to do with bok choy or celeriac, and read cute little stories about how the farm animals are doing. The farmer gets to communicate with current and potential customers, and office-bound readers get to live vicariously through their computer or phone screens.

Ree Drummond, who has parlayed her rural life as the wife of a cattle rancher into a wildly successful site called The Pioneer Woman, gives a glimpse of the possibilities for savvy online self-marketing. She doesn’t quite qualify as a rancher herself—although she often rides along and helps out with the chores, she seems to usually have a camera in hand—but her gorgeous photographs and folksy anecdotes about life on the range are about as good an advertisement as any for making a living off the land.

Most farmer blogs are far simpler (and, some might argue, more authentic). The Dairyman’s Blog, written by a young Alabama dairy farmer, offers “MooTube” videos of life on the farm. Self-described farm wife Jill Heemstra focuses on the funny side of farming at Fence Post Diaries, with blog titles like “You Might Be a Farmer’s Wife If…” (example: “…you use the phrase ‘semen tank’ in casual conversation”).

Blogs and tweets are also providing a new platform for farmers of all stripes to express their views on agriculture and politics. Missouri hog farmer Chris Chinn advocates on her blog for fewer government regulations and conventional farm practices that she feels have gotten a bad rap, while small-scale farmer Gavin Venn tweets as @morethanorganic with his thoughts on animal welfare and genetically modified foods.

Social media has become a stand-in for the kind of conversations farmers have always had in person, about the weather, what’s growing, advice and opinions. The Twitter hashtag #agchat encompasses discussions of parenting on the farm, venting about too much or too little rain, links to agriculture news and just about everything else of interest to the ag-minded.

But tweeting from the tractor has its perils. As Stewart Skinner, a Canadian pig farmer with the Twitter handle @ModernFarmer tweeted recently about his gadget, “The blackberry can’t stand up to the rigors of the barn. RIM needs to come up with a smartphone for farmers.”

Ribs, a tasty gateway to moral turpitude. Image courtesy of Flickr user thebittenword.com.

Food is a basic human need and humans are prone to unusual behavior. That combination has provided fodder for several blog posts that take a look at people behaving badly with edibles. Once again we’re serving up a helping of criminal behavior involving food and the food industry.

Kalamazoo, Michigan. September, 2011. Dine, dash and defraud.

Stacy Skartsiaris, 65, had been the owner of Theo and Stacy’s restaurant for 38 years and had never had a problem with customer violence until the morning of September 1. Two women, Deaunka Lynn Dunning and Sheba Jean Kirk, both 30, stopped by the downtown restaurant for breakfast, but as they went to leave with doggie bags in tow, they complained about the quality of the food and informed Skartsiaris that they were not going to pay for the meal. Skartsiaris followed them as they left and said she was going to call police. That’s when the pair allegedly attacked her, kicking her in the midsection and striking her face, leaving her with bumps and bruises. The belligerent pair was eventually arrested and charged with aggravated assault and defrauding an innkeeper. They are due back in court on September 14 for pretrial hearings.

Carlisle, Pennsylvania. August, 2011. BYOB (Bring Your Own… Bag?).

In a push to cut down on plastic usage and be more environmentally friendly, many grocery stores are encouraging customers to bring in reusable bags. Some people interpret the term “reusable bag” fairly loosely, subbing their pants for a traditional shopping bag. Donald Noone, 65, is one of those people. While intoxicated, he went to a Giant grocery store and tried to secret about $20 worth of ribs down his trousers. He was arrested and charged with retail theft and public drunkenness. Turns out he’s also a repeat offender: he tried pulling the exact same stunt back in May. Noone plead guilty to the charges.

Patton Township, Pennsylvania. August, 2011. Something “borrowed.”

Planning what foods to serve at a wedding reception is a big deal—and can be a big chunk of your budget. One Pennsylvanian decided to try to avoid the financial burden. Married on August 18, Brittany Lurch, 22, and Arthur Phillips III, 32, stopped off at a Wegman’s after their ceremony to pick up food for a reception to be held two days later. Cops keeping a keen eye on security cameras observed the newlyweds piling over $1,000 of merchandise in their cart and casually walking out of the store. They were soon apprehended by police and sent to Centre County Jail with bail set at $2,500, more than twice what the reception spread would have cost them. Both were charged with retail theft and receiving stolen property and, of course, they missed their own party.

St. Louis, Missouri. August, 2011. She came in through the drive-through window.

At 2:50 in the morning, a car pulled up to the drive-through at the White Castle on Herbert Street and North Florissant. But instead of cash, the two attending White Castle employees were handed a note demanding all the money in the cash register from a woman who seemed to be packing heat. The two employees ran and locked themselves inside a nearby office and called police. Meanwhile the woman climbed halfway through the drive-through window to grab the cashbox before speeding away, dropping her weapon—a toy gun—in the process. Police were able to track the still-unnamed 33-year-old suspect to her home where, in a last-ditch effort to elude capture, she climbed to the roof and took a three-story leap to the ground. She was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries and now faces robbery charges.

Taichung, Taiwan. July, 2008. Watch what you write.

A blogger, identified only by the surname Liu, went to a beef noodle restaurant and wrote about her dining experience on her blog. Her words were far from glowing, describing the food as salty and the dining conditions unsanitary. When the restaurant owner learned about the review, he filed defamation charges against her. The court found that the salty food remarks were out of line as she had only one main dish and two sides at the establishment. Her cockroach criticisms, however, could not be classified as slander. Liu was sentenced to 30 days in detention, suspended for two years, and fined NT$200,000 (approximately $6,900 in American dollars.)

Green beans. Image courtesy of Flickr user Wally Hartshorn

Green beans are a workhorse vegetable: nothing flashy, rarely the star, but always dependable in a supporting role. They’re versatile, too—they’ll work well with just about any cuisine—which is a good thing, since I am probably not alone in having a mountain of them growing in my garden right now. They’re also abundant at the market, farmers’ or otherwise.

To prove their versatility, here are five out-of-the-ordinary ideas for cooking with green beans, each from a different culture:

1. Southern. Bacon grease “brings out the best in folks—and beans,” writes Christy Jordan on her Southern Plate blog, in a recipe for sweet and sour green beans that also includes vinegar and sugar. Unless you’re a stickler for authenticity, you don’t even have to “cook the living mess” out of them, as Jordan explains that Southerners are wont to do.

2. Greek. Ask three Greeks how to cook green beans and you’ll get three different fasolakia recipes, as recounted in an amusing tale at the site Mama’s Taverna. Most of them (including this one) involve stewing the beans in tomatoes, onions, and sometimes potatoes until sweet and tender.

3. Persian. In Iran, a kuku (or kookoo) is a popular frittata-like egg dish, packed with herbs and/or green vegetables. The Persian food blog Turmeric and Saffron uses those signature spices in a recipe for green bean kookoo.

4. Indian. The Book of Yum compiles gluten-free vegetarian recipes from around the globe. But an Indian-inspired dish of “ambrosial green beans,” with a spiced cashew-yogurt sauce, would appeal to even those without dietary restrictions.

5. Chinese. Dry-fried green beans or long beans are a common feature on Chinese restaurant menus. The cooking method results in ultra-flavorful beans that retain their snap— Cooking with Amy explains how to make them at home.

Pancakes from IHOP, courtesy of Flickr user ohdearbarb

A little over 25 years ago, some marketing executives at IHOP decided that one of their menu items should be named, yes, “Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity.” It must have been a success. Not only is the fruit-topped pancake breakfast combo still on the menu, but the name is trademarked.

According to IHOP, “guests across the country have fun pronouncing the one-of-a-kind breakfast.” But is it fun, or just embarrassing? I guess that depends on your idea of fun.

Why would a company want to humiliate its customers? It’s not as if they don’t know it’s embarrassing; an old commercial for the breakfast showed customers wearing disguises to order the meal.

As someone observed on an online forum, “If you know people are embarrassed to say the stupid name of your product, then CHANGE THE NAME!!! I will NEVER order a “Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n’ Fruity” breakfast at IHOP. I refuse to live a lie like the guy in this commercial—I want to order my breakfasteses with confidence—I refuse to hide behind a fake mustache and glasses. I won’t live my life that way, and IHOP can’t make me!”

This person was clearly having a little fun—hey, maybe IHOP was right, it is fun—but I think a lot of people would agree (including me): I don’t want to look foolish while ordering my food, especially before I’ve had my coffee.

So why do companies do it? I used to be an advertising art director—in fact, I briefly worked on the IHOP account, long after the Rooty Tooty, etc. was born—and my best guess is that they are subscribing to the “anything that people remember is good for business” school of marketing. And they probably really do think it’s fun.

When I worked on the IHOP account, one of my jobs was to help brainstorm names for new menu items. My copywriter partner and I would crack ourselves up coming up with ridiculous, and often wildly inappropriate, ideas. We obviously never came up with anything as brilliant/stupid as Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity, because none of our names were trademarked, and even I don’t remember them now.

In no particular order, here are my top five most embarrassing things to order (not including the above, the clear winner):

1. Moon Over My Hammy: Even if I wanted an 800-plus-calorie, 51-grams-of-fat, 2,500-plus-milligrams-of-sodium egg-ham-and-cheese sandwich, I would have a hard time ordering this Denny’s classic with a straight face. In fact, maybe it’s actually nutritionists behind these goofy names, hoping they will be a deterrent.

2. Fudgie the Whale: In the 1970s, Carvel’s gave birth to a whale-shaped cake, and named it Fudgie. If Fudgie didn’t have ice cream for brains, he (for some reason, I assume it’s male) might feel bad that he has been repeatedly used as comedic fodder. Then again, he might think it was really cool. But not as cool as his friend Cookie Puss, who had a Beastie Boys song (with lyrics not as appropriate for children as the cake is) named after him.

3. Joey Bag of Donuts: The quasi-Southwest/Mexican food chain Moe’s is a double offender. They embarrass both their customers and employees, who are required to say, “Welcome to Moooooe’s” whenever someone walks in the door. The menu items are all named for pop culture references. Putting aside the fact that this menu item is a burrito that (thankfully) contains no donuts, I find this kind of forced fun tiresome. I guess I just don’t know how to have a good time.

4. Sex on the Beach, Screaming Orgasm, et al.: There was a time, thankfully passed (I think—though maybe I just go to a different class of bar now), when it seemed every cocktail had to be given a sleazy name. Most of these were for sweet “girly” drinks, and I can only imagine the rationale behind them was that ordering one (or offering to buy one) made a good pick-up line. Um, sure, you can buy me a drink—I’ll have a My Eyes Are Up Here, Buddy-tini, please.

5. Anything hard to pronounce: Despite four years of French class, there are certain words my mouth just can’t seem to form so that I will be understood by a waiter. The wine viognier, for instance. Or rooibos tea. Then again, depending where you are, sometimes the only way to be understood is by mispronouncing something. In a post I wrote last year about hard-to-pronounce foods, a commenter wrote that she had a hard time ordering Sprite in Chile until she learned to pronounce it with a Spanish accent.

What are some other examples of embarrassing things to order?

"Today's Menu." Image courtesy of Flickr user Neo.

Some readers out there may wonder how libraries kept track of all their goodies before the advent of computerized catalogs. You had one of two options: You could either consult a giant wood cabinet with drawers jam-packed with little 3 x 5 cards or, better yet, you could consult a reference librarian who could lead you to treasure troves of information. Cultural institutions now make their collections available digitally for people who are unable to do on-site research; however, for those places that have been building up resources for a century or more, digitizing their holdings is an overwhelming game of catch-up that requires time and money.

Such is the case with the New York Public Library’s menu collection, which contains approximately 26,000 pieces, about 10,000 of which have been digitally scanned. Specializing in the period between 1890 and 1920, the menus are especially useful to historians or chefs or authors—anyone trying to capture an era down to the dining details. One problem, however, is that it’s difficult to present the digital images in such a way that people can do searches across the entire collection. Searches are an easy way to look at trends in dining, which food fell in—and out—of favor, price fluctuations and other information of that ilk. And it sure beats flipping through the collection menu by menu if there’s only a nugget of information you’re after.

Some purveyors of digital information—like Google books—use optical character recognition software to convert the printed page into digital, searchable text. But many of the Library’s menus are handwritten or use ornamental typefaces that can’t be easily read by computers. And really, when it comes to dining, presentation is everything—even when it comes to menu typography.

Flesh and blood transcribers really are the best way to get the job done, and now anyone with an internet connection can lend the library a helping hand. If you’d like to lend your services, and get a taste—intellectually speaking—of American cuisine from a bygone era and enjoy some really stunning works of art, go to the project’s main site, select a menu that grabs you and dig in!