Smithsonian.com

(c) Jessica Hagy, 2012

This quote got me thinking about all the things that are both perfectly legal and perfectly horrible. Interestingly, hurting someone’s feeling is only punishable by law when you hurt the feelings of a soon-to-be former spouse.

Those types of wrongs tend to only result in legal filings in divorce courts. You can be rude, or nasty, or thoughtless: and you won’t get a ticket or have to do any community service. You can be petty and selfish and cold, and those actions will not land you in jail. But they are punishable in divorce court.

I almost drew a diagram about the difference between legal and ethical here, about how you can be a horrible person but have no criminal record (and few or no friends).

Break some laws? Behind bars you go! Break some trust? Nothing illegal there, well, until alimony is involved at least. So in the case of marriage, it literally does pay to be nice.

(c) Jessica Hagy, 2012

I took a negotiation class once, and it paid for itself within the week.

Here’s a summation of that magical course:

There’s a lot of power in simply knowing what you want, and how far you’re willing to go to get it. There’s even more in knowing what it is that your opponent really wants—and it’s rarely what you think it is. Combine those bits of information, and you’ve got a treasure map for many haggling adventures.

Of course, your enemies (harsh word, but we’ll work with it, Sun Tzu) aren’t very easy to know. Quality information is hard to come by. And while we can look up pricing and statistics all day long, knowing what matters emotionally to the guy we’re haggling with is as important as knowing his bottom line. Too bad this often requires a lot of conversation, a keen observation of body language, and some authentic empathy.

But it’s worth the effort it takes to listen, because if you offer something more than money, you’ll most likely have yourself a deal.

(C) Jessica Hagy, 2012