"Indexed in Quotes" » Complete Archive

Why There’s No Time for Work at the Office

Jessica Hagy — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 15:37:51 +0000

They Do Call it a Marriage Contract After All

Jessica Hagy — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:57:42 +0000

This quote got me thinking about all the things that are both perfectly legal and perfectly horrible. Interestingly, hurting someone’s feeling is only punishable by law when you hurt the feelings of a soon-to-be former spouse.

Those types of wrongs tend to only result in legal filings in divorce courts. You can be rude, or nasty, or thoughtless: and you won’t get a ticket or have to do any community service. You can be petty and selfish and cold, and those actions will not land you in jail. But they are punishable in divorce court.

I almost drew a diagram about the difference between legal and ethical here, about how you can be a horrible person but have no criminal record (and few or no friends).

Break some laws? Behind bars you go! Break some trust? Nothing illegal there, well, until alimony is involved at least. So in the case of marriage, it literally does pay to be nice.

Know Your Enemy’s Weaknesses – Start with the Kelley Blue Book

Jessica Hagy — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:11:17 +0000

I took a negotiation class once, and it paid for itself within the week.

Here’s a summation of that magical course:

There’s a lot of power in simply knowing what you want, and how far you’re willing to go to get it. There’s even more in knowing what it is that your opponent really wants—and it’s rarely what you think it is. Combine those bits of information, and you’ve got a treasure map for many haggling adventures.

Of course, your enemies (harsh word, but we’ll work with it, Sun Tzu) aren’t very easy to know. Quality information is hard to come by. And while we can look up pricing and statistics all day long, knowing what matters emotionally to the guy we’re haggling with is as important as knowing his bottom line. Too bad this often requires a lot of conversation, a keen observation of body language, and some authentic empathy.

But it’s worth the effort it takes to listen, because if you offer something more than money, you’ll most likely have yourself a deal.

Mark Twain on Where Babies Come From

Jessica Hagy — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:43:24 +0000

True intimacy has its nasty side. You end up living with an entire person’s lint, crud, toenail clippings, rhinovirus colonies, dirty socks, hairs on the bar of soap, and even (gasp) dirty dishes left in the sink to fester. Exposure to the unairbrushed, unfiltered, the vile and the slimy: that’s true love.

Intimacy is letting someone else see you without makeup. Without pretense. It’s letting someone into your private moments and into your personal space. The phrase ‘warts and all’ springs to mind. But there’s a certain magic in all of that lint and dandruff and morning breath. When you honestly love someone, even their belly button lint can be beautiful.

How sick is that? Wonderfully sick.

As American as Doritos, Bud and Chrysler

Jessica Hagy — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 15:04:12 +0000

Too Many Bosses in the Boardroom

Jessica Hagy — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 16:17:08 +0000

Q: How many middle managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Let me check with my boss.

Making decisions in corporate environments is a human Rube Goldberg devise. Messages get passed up and down the chains (shackles, if we’re being honest with our terminology) of command, an endless game of political telephone. All the while, time, talent, and money is thrown at the many extraneous moving pieces.

I think this is one of the reasons so many people dream of going out on their own: so that they can make a decision all by themselves, without any memos or CCs or scheduled meetings. Sweet freedom is the ability to change your own silly light bulbs.

But What About Quantum Leap?

Jessica Hagy — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:55:02 +0000

This quote is amazing because Richard P. Feynman is a deceased god of science. A wizard! A master! A world-renowned expert! If he doesn’t understand the field he was the de facto king of, what chance do any of us have of understanding our world? The Six Easy Pieces: Not so easy after all?

We’re all wrong and misinformed of thousands of things, and yet, we manage to survive. Isn’t that marvelously comforting? I like the idea of a vast pool of knowledge beyond our current grasp. It keeps things interesting. It makes us wonder about everything. It keeps us humble. It keeps us curious.

It’s why we play with all these ideas in science fiction. We all want a Mr. Fusion mounted onto a DeLorean and we all hope that somehow, Scott Bakula is going back in time and undoing our mistakes. And why not? After all, those things might really be possible, someday, if we keep figuring our this crazy universe of ours.

How the Ubermensch Got Into Harvard

Jessica Hagy — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:33:36 +0000

It’s easy to feel bad when life kicks you in the shins. It’s easy to think it’s all your fault that your days are dark, cold, lonely, crummy and plagued with tedium. It’s also just as easy to think that on lovely days when everything is right with your world, that you somehow earned your comfort and prestige and that cool refreshing drink you’re sipping on your sun-dappled veranda.

But both outlooks are wrong. Chance plays a huge part in everything from who our parents are to how many zeros are printed on our pay stubs. No matter what, it’s never entirely your fault—or anyone else’s.

Advice for Your New Year’s Party From the Author of Gatsby

Jessica Hagy — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 18:23:41 +0000

Don’t Stop Believin’ (in Santa Claus)

Jessica Hagy — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:13:38 +0000

Read more articles about the holidays with our Smithsonian Holiday Guide here

The Problem With Eureka

Jessica Hagy — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:30:04 +0000

First one with a press release wins the fellowship! But this isn’t news, this competitive marketplace of ideas. A hundred years ago, we have the sad case of Nicola Tesla entwined with the epic success story of Thomas Edison.

Tesla was brilliant and innovative in a way very few men have ever been or ever will be. Then Edison started doing shocking things like electrocuting elephants (how horrible: both that pun and the elephant murder) to show how dangerous Tesla’s flavor of electricity (alternating current) was. Tesla died alone in a dingy hotel room, with not a penny to his name. Edison died with over 1000 patents to his.

This quote is a good reminder that an idea not shared is just an idea that someone else will take credit for. Great minds often think alike, unfortunately.

The Story of the Decade

Jessica Hagy — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:33:52 +0000

According to the theory of creative destruction, one company feeds on the corpse of another, and then once it has outlived its usefulness, the organization dies and provides the nutrients for the next generation of companies to feed upon. One a macro level, that sounds pretty good: healthy and natural. But look at the process from a human perspective, and you’ll see some grisly cannibalism.

The recent destruction of so many careers (or more honestly, so many jobs) left people hungry for something else and clawing for replacement roles. Hopefully better, smarter—more meaningful. A function less habitual and more magical.

So many of us (employed or not) are yearning for a new source of economic nutrition, because the creative destructiveness all around us is turning out to be pretty disgusting. We’re not so willing to be financial cannibals anymore. We want something healthier, tastier, and less morally repugnant.

Now is our chance to figure out what that could be.

The Consequences of Fun

Jessica Hagy — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:35:54 +0000

Fun causes guilt, apparently.
I really love how every key word in this quote is subjective. Immoral? One man’s uncrossable line is another man’s Tuesday afternoon. Illegal? So much depends on the state (it’s probably legal in Alaska) and era you’re in (that jerk Jim Crow). Fattening? Well, any food is fattening if you eat five gallons of it.

It seems that somebody (or a committee of well-meaning busy-bodies) is always hard at work declaring things good or bad, legal and illegal, immoral or commendable. And we bristle at that sorting. We reflexively think: “Fattening? It must be delicious. Illegal? There must be something to it. Immoral? According to who?”

Our collective idea of fun then, is by definition a little naughty. The more we’re told not to do something, the more irresistible it becomes. Society makes guilt and fun into dueling emotions.

Lump those words together: immoral, illegal, fattening, and you can’t help but smile. That pile of words describes something really tempting, you just know it. But remember: tomorrow, you’ll feel awful about it.

Because You Never Know Where the Night Will Take You

Jessica Hagy — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:28:23 +0000

At first, I thought that Miss O’Connor was talking about a naked woman found on the side of the road, but then I remembered my mom’s warnings about the importance of clean underwear in the event of a car accident.

But why? Do clean underpants really matter when you’ve been thrown through the windshield or you’re pinned under the soon-to-explode engine? I pondered this more than is probably healthy, and have narrowed it down to two possible explanations:

1: The Judgmental Triage Myth
Perhaps there was some sort of urban legend about paramedics taking care of the person with the nicest underthings first. Thus good, clean drawers could really be the difference between life and death. Also, I’m sure that news would spread quickly though town if you were found wearing icky (or even worse, nonexistent) underthings, and then you would most certainly die of embarrassment.

2: Modesty at All Times
Maybe this warning was issued because proper, devout Catholic ladies like my mom and O’Connor were just very concerned with being modest and dignified in all situations, even (especially?) in situations where one might just happen to be unconscious and bleeding from the head.

Either way: Be careful out there.

Spinning off a Comic With a Reference Book

Jessica Hagy — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:22:31 +0000

Welcome to a spin-off. “All in the Family” spun off “The Jeffersons.” That rusty merry-go-round spun your cousin off into the gravel. Spin-offs are often fun.

Anyway. My original webcomic, Indexed, has been online since 2006. I’ve drawn over 3,000 charts, graphs, and odd little cards. And hey: office supplies are cheap, so think I have another couple thousand still in me. Besides, drawing webcomics is an amazing way to avoid having a day-job.

Speaking of jobs: this site! Yep, Smithsonian was keen to host even more of my cartoons, and they were not entirely horrified that I wanted to do something a little different with them.

Thus, I am illustrating interesting quotations in Indexed form. Yes! Good times. I’m using a single book, The Yale Book of Quotations, for all of the source quotes. This is good for two reasons:

I won’t end up misquoting anyone: because that would be shameful.
I already own this book: so I don’t have to do any tedious ordering or paying or shipping or stealing to get my hands on a copy.

Like Indexed itself, this idea is one of those things that’s much easier to show than tell. So, here you go—I hope you like it.

Image (c) Jessica Hagy, 2011