February 11, 2009
Caption-Writing Contest! Win a Collector’s Edition of Smithsonian’s Lincoln Magazine
National Parks Service employee James Hudson swabs at the ear of the statue at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. -- but surely you can come up with a better caption? -- Bettmann / Corbis
UPDATE: A winner has been announced; the caption contest is closed, but thanks for entering!
Maybe we’re getting a little punch drunk on Lincoln around here. But here in the magazine offices, after completing work on our Special Lincoln issue, which is on news stands now, we’ve been celebrating Lincoln’s Birthday ever since we starting planning the issue last January.
So by now we’ve parsed every phrase the man ever said and read every biography on the guy. But when we saw this picture recently, even though it is a 20-year-old photo—we just knew this called for a CAPTION-WRITING CONTEST!
So on the occasion of Lincoln’s actual birthday celebration tomorrow, we want our readers poised and at the ready to rain upon us some hilarity.
We’ll pick a winner early next week and send that clever wordsmith, whomever he or she may be, a genuine copy (nothing digital, it will come in the mail) of our special Lincoln issue.
Just to get you going. Here’s a few we came up with:
“Four score and seven years ago, I could do this on my own.”
The cause for which he gave his last full measure of patience.
With malice toward none, . . .except for this guy, who won’t let me be.
“Four score and behind the ears please.”
“Do you know where that’s been?”
“I’m all ears.”
Waxing nostalgic?
“Four score and seven ears ago”
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Never stick anything in your ear smaller than your elbow!
Comment by Charles Hildebrand — February 11, 2009 @ 4:39 pm
Got Q-tips?
Comment by Isabel — February 11, 2009 @ 4:44 pm
Call the Guinness Book of Records: world’s largest q-tip!
Comment by Isabel — February 11, 2009 @ 4:46 pm
You think that’s a bad job? Talk to some of the animal keepers at the zoo…
Comment by Isabel — February 11, 2009 @ 4:48 pm
In one ear, out the other…
Comment by Isabel — February 11, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
Hold on… I thought you said we have a black president
Comment by Todd Tucker — February 11, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
Next on the agenda, a cleanse in the reflection pool.
Comment by Justin — February 11, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
There are a lot of famous people that have come to my statue. The cleaner’s name? Mark Anthony! OR
Friends and countrymen, I lend you my ears… Thanks, Mark. OR
Hurry up, Mark [Anthony], I’ve got friends and countrymen coming to listen to one of my speeches. OR
The irony? His name is Mark Anthony!
Comment by Ken Erickson — February 11, 2009 @ 5:18 pm
I never expected my job skill loading cannon balls would be relevant for another kind of employment!
Comment by Jane Stillinger — February 11, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
This was not on my federally mandated performance plan. Neither was cleaning his nose.
Comment by Stephanie — February 12, 2009 @ 8:35 am
Can you hear me NOW!!
Comment by winekey — February 12, 2009 @ 9:58 am
Ahhhh – that’s the spot!!!!
Comment by Sandra Prescott — February 12, 2009 @ 2:25 pm
We clean today that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the ear.
Comment by Peter Clarke — February 12, 2009 @ 2:53 pm
If this doesn’t work we’ll try hearing aids.
Comment by Peter Clarke — February 12, 2009 @ 3:00 pm
From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
Comment by Bill — February 12, 2009 @ 3:02 pm
Cannon ball loaded and ready to fire…
Comment by Peter Clarke — February 12, 2009 @ 3:04 pm
And we’ll bring Abe into the modern age by finishing with a cascading a set of gold earrings anchored by a blue Sapphire stud in the lobe.
Comment by Peter Clarke — February 12, 2009 @ 3:15 pm
Squeeky clean to hear the people.
Comment by Robin Basinger — February 12, 2009 @ 4:30 pm
After what he did for us, this is the least I can do for him.
Comment by Sandra Eustace — February 12, 2009 @ 8:33 pm
Honesty,Integrity,Unity,America deserves your Loyalty
SIGNED ABE Lincoln
Comment by faith quintana — February 12, 2009 @ 8:57 pm
They named a WHAT after me!? And you say it seats six?
Comment by Dave Youel — February 12, 2009 @ 10:12 pm
Ooooh! That feels so good!!
Comment by Deanne — February 12, 2009 @ 11:56 pm
“If I wasn’t frozen in stone I’d deck the guy.”
Comment by Karen — February 13, 2009 @ 11:09 am
Smile Abe. Most people have to clean there own ears.
Comment by Craig — February 13, 2009 @ 11:58 am
Get outta there George. Barack won. You gotta go back to Texas.
Comment by Jake — February 13, 2009 @ 12:01 pm
…And in the end it is not the ears in your life that count,it’s the life in your ears.
Comment by Dawann — February 13, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
Lincoln’s guardian angel often used unorthodox tactics, such as is seen here as Lincoln is about to absentmindedly step into the path of a speeding carriage.
Comment by Grant Olsen — February 13, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
“Ear”mancipation Proclamation -Free the ear wax!!
Comment by Kristi Puryear — February 13, 2009 @ 10:19 pm
Ooooh! That tickles!
-OR-
How much is this going to cost me? I only have a penny.
Comment by stacey guidry — February 14, 2009 @ 6:12 pm
An Ipod? Really? What next, an I-Phone?
Comment by Clay Hutchinson — February 15, 2009 @ 3:25 am
I am holding still and why are you dressed like a ninja?
Comment by Aural Orielle — February 15, 2009 @ 8:30 am
What are you looking at… after 200 years you might need an ear cleaning.
Comment by Michael Bein — February 15, 2009 @ 1:32 pm
If he hits the drum, I better learn signing fast!
Comment by bernie singer — February 15, 2009 @ 1:59 pm
If I could just get up!
Comment by Kamran — February 15, 2009 @ 8:35 pm
Ahh…That’s the spot…Hey, could you get that bird’s nest while you’re in there?
Comment by Rachel Bein — February 16, 2009 @ 10:01 pm
Excuse me, did you say table or Booth?
Comment by David Hanna — February 17, 2009 @ 1:45 pm
Darn! There goes my geo-cache!
Comment by David Hanna — February 17, 2009 @ 3:31 pm
Waxing Nostalgic “Our Greatest Auditor”
Comment by Lee Berger — February 17, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
James Hudson, 1st year secret service agent now understands why everyone else was laughing when he was given a “special detail job” attached to a former president.
Comment by Eric Thompson — February 17, 2009 @ 9:58 pm
I hope this helps me to hear better.I thought I heard we have a black-president now after all these years.Now thats worth hearing.I guess I was right.Things do change if you only believe.
Comment by Bonnie — February 17, 2009 @ 11:35 pm
“My wax statue has stone in its ears.”
“If you dig hard enough you might find some Lincoln Logs”
Comment by Stan — February 18, 2009 @ 11:25 pm
Didn’t your mother tell you? NOTHING bigger than your elbow!
Comment by Jeff — February 19, 2009 @ 9:27 am
“so you think you have trouble with earwax?”
Comment by Richard Streeter — February 19, 2009 @ 1:32 pm
“You heard right sir, a black president”
Comment by Monte Wilson — February 19, 2009 @ 3:05 pm
“All men are created equal. My ears however need special attention.”
Comment by Al Dawson — February 20, 2009 @ 8:53 pm
The Q-tip goes around the outside of the ear, not the inside!
Comment by kelly miller — February 22, 2009 @ 5:34 pm
“Booth has some nerve wanting the bullet back”
Comment by Dan — February 22, 2009 @ 6:56 pm
Ears this size take a mighty long time to clean, but know this, my friends, I will never stop listening to you.
Comment by Deborah — February 23, 2009 @ 2:06 pm
I don’t care what your boss on Capitol Hill told you! This does NOT count as “getting rid of yet another earmark!”
Comment by Jim Duck — February 27, 2009 @ 10:29 pm
I said “THANKS MR.PRESIDENT”!!!!!
Comment by carol haas — March 8, 2009 @ 11:53 pm
I said “THANKS MR.PRESIDENT!!!!!!!”
Comment by carol haas — March 8, 2009 @ 11:59 pm
And while you do my nails I’d like some sushi!
Comment by Bill — March 13, 2009 @ 10:18 am
make sure you stick it in really deep on both sides. I am sick of all the bull I have to hear up here any more.
Comment by Greg Wilkey — March 15, 2009 @ 7:09 pm
“…some are emancipated…some are earmancipated…”
Comment by Wayne Franczak — March 26, 2009 @ 10:43 am
Who wone this contest?
Comment by Lj — March 31, 2009 @ 3:41 pm
All captions were deleated, why?
Comment by Lj — March 31, 2009 @ 3:44 pm
“what is that squeaking noise?”
Comment by Van — March 31, 2009 @ 4:04 pm